Tag Archives: inevitably being wrong

NFL 2K14

FOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL predictions in one sentence or less, as per tradition.
( * for wild cards)

AFC

EAST

Patriots – Yeah.

Dolphins – Not an inspiring bunch behind the perennial leader.

Bills – Might not be terrible, depends on Manuel.

Jets – This, on the other hand, will be hilariously bad.

NORTH

Bengals – I’m not happy about it, because Dalton sucks, but they’re still the best.

Ravens – Hoping for some Ray Rice karma here.

Steelers – Feels like a 7-9 season.

Browns – Jason Whitlock’s “Johnny Bench” nickname for Manziel is the greatest thing.

SOUTH

Colts – Could be 10-6, but still the class of the division.

Texans* – Fitzpatrick being the QB is frightening for them, though.

Titans – Hard to see them getting much better.

Jaguars – Hard to see them getting much worse.

WEST

Broncos – Probably not as dominant as a year ago.

Chargers* – It’s less that they’re better…

Chiefs – …and more that the Chiefs will be worse.

Raiders – Another couple of years of awful football awaits.

NFC

EAST

Eagles – Fun to watch, and mostly good.

Giants – They zig when everyone thinks they’ll zag.

Cowboys – That defense… woof.

Redskins – Trying to make RGIII into a pocket passer seems like an odd fit.

NORTH

Bears – Sorry, Dennis.

Packers* – Always seem to get hurt, lost some of the offense.

Lions – All sizzle, no steak.

Vikings – Upward trending, but a few high fences to leap.

SOUTH

Saints – Though it’ll be close.

Falcons* – Back in black, and hopefully not as snakebitten with injuries.

Buccaneers – Sneaky good late last year.

Panthers – Lost a lot of key contributors.

WEST

Seahawks – A really, really good team, and it kills me to say that.

49ers – Feel like Harbaugh starts to wear on them this year.

Cardinals – A Carson Palmer team almost made the playoffs, and I’m not sure how it happened.

Rams – Bradford done, and so are they, even with a good defense.

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MLB 2K14

BASEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL

(* for wildcards)

AMERICAN LEAGUE

EAST

1. Red Sox – Smart, deep, and talented, basically the worst.

2. Rays* – Good at baseball, but also the worst, because they employ criminals.

3. Yankees – That infield could be the worst.

4. Orioles – Used to be the worst, then started getting kinda good.

5. Jays – Actually the worst, but could be better if they aren’t super unlucky.

CENTRAL

1. Tigers – Will probably sign Stephen Drew or something because they know how to act like a big market team.

2. Royals – I’ve got a feeling.

3. Indians – That tonight’s gonna be a good night.

4. White Sox – That tonight’s gonna be a good night.

5. Twins – That tonight’s gonna be a good good night alright I’ll stop.

WEST

1. A’s – Some injuries, sure, but they do this (almost) every year.

2. Angels* – Rebound potential in the lineup, though pitching still iffy.

3. Rangers – Might pass the Angels with some luck, but early injuries hurt them worse.

4. Mariners – Need more hitting.

5. Astros – The grand, awful experiment continues.

NATIONAL LEAGUE

EAST

1. Nationals – Back on top, baby!

2. Braves – Arms blowing out all over the place, could be a problem.

3. Phillies – The long, slow decline continues.

4. Mets – Some excitement, but need some more time.

5. Marlins – See above, except less good.

CENTRAL

1. Cardinals – Really, really good, you guys.

2. Reds* – Losing Choo, but pitching’s good.

3. Pirates – Sensing a fallback with Burnett gone, and Lirano (probably) worse.

4. Brewers – A full year of Braun gets them closer.

5. Cubs – Building, but not there yet.

WEST.

1. Dodgers – Way better than anyone else in the division.

2. Giants* – Like the Hudson signing for them.

3. Diamondbacks – Whatever hit the Braves pitchers hit them too.

4. Rockies – Not sure what’s going on here.

5. Padres – The least exciting name goes with what might be the least exciting team (non-Jays division).

NFL 2K13

FOOTBAW predictions, one sentence at a time. * for wildcards.

AFC

EAST

New England – Yeah.

Miami – Too much sleeper buzz, but solid last year in a bad division.

Buffalo – Manuel hurt already, could be a tough year.

NY Jets – This could be fun.

NORTH

Cincinnati – I don’t like it any more than you do.

Baltimore* – 10-6 team won it all, but lost some parts.

Pittsburgh* – Narrow playoff team in a bad conference.

Cleveland – Better than you think, but employ Brandon Weeden.

SOUTH 

Houston – Almost as easy a call as the Patriots.

Indianapolis – Luck will be better, but team will be worse.

Tennessee – And they’re not even THIS good, really.

Jacksonville – Probably the worst team in football.

WEST

Denver – This Welker/Manning thing will probably work okay.

Kansas City – Upgrading to competence at coach and QB helps.

San Diego – Philip Rivers in a strange, early decline.

Oakland – Right there with Jacksonville.

NFC

EAST

NY Giants – Miss the playoffs one year, win the division the next.

Washington – Won’t get a 7 game winning streak again.

Philadelphia – Can’t help but be better.

Dallas – Could be a 7-9 4th place finish.

NORTH

Green Bay – Best QB in the league and a better defense (hopefully).

Detroit – Was surprisingly competitive last year.

Minnesota – Peterson is amazing, QB and defense have some questions.

Chicago – Trestman won’t stop the slide.

SOUTH

New Orleans – Upgrading from “eeeeeh” to “great again” at coach, still talent here.

Atlanta* – Still pretty good even if they don’t win the division.

Tampa Bay – Made some upgrades, but tough sledding here.

Carolina – Another sneaky competitive team, but need a few more parts.

WEST

San Francisco – Kaepernick in his first full year, defense is class of the division.

Seattle* – PED suspensions now, had the gifted win last year, but these guys are still pretty good.

St. Louis – Maybe we’ll know if Chad Bradford can play by the end of this year.

Arizona – Meh.

MLB 2K13

Baseball is heeeeeeeeere, time to make my usual one sentence predictions. * for wildcards!

AMERICAN LEAGUE

EAST

1. Rays – Portrayed as the plucky underdog, but that pitching staff has some thunder.

2. Blue Jays* – Offseason winners after flashing some cash, but will be a very tight race.

3. Yankees – Lost a lot of punch, getting older/worse/hurt.

4. Red Sox – Not far off, but need some luck to make the postseason.

5. Orioles – Surprised a lot of teams last year, it won’t happen again.

CENTRAL

1. Tigers – Victor Martinez coming back and Torii Hunter coming in helps solidify their hold on the division.

2. Indians – Did good waiting out top free agents, but still need some pitching.

3. White Sox – Lost a couple pieces, need some help from replacements to go higher.

4. Royals – A curious offseason, trading one of the game’s best prospects for a good (but not great) starter.

5. Twins – Barren farm system just starting to get restocked, and the major league club is a disaster.

WEST

1. A’s – Won the division last year, and the two closest teams got worse.

2. Angels* – Killer lineup, and some questions about the pitching staff.

3. Rangers – Strange to see the Rangers with good pitchers and uncertain hitting, usually that’s Anaheim’s thing.

4. Mariners – Extending Hernandez a great idea, but went after the wrong bats.

5. Astros – Beating the Twins out for the worst AL team this year, but bottoming out is probably the right idea.

NL

EAST

1. Nationals – Will be staring down at the division for a while, I think.

2. Braves* – Losing Chipper hurts, but the machine will keep rolling without him.

3. Phillies – The solution for them wasn’t to keep getting older.

4. Mets – Will stay out of the basement (barely)…

5. Marlins – …Mostly because these guys sold EVERYONE to Toronto- thanks!

CENTRAL

1. Cardinals – A great lineup, solid pitching, and excellent prospects ready to step in.

2. Reds* – Not a slight on them, they should be with the Cardinals almost step-for-step.

3. Pirates – Have started hot and faded the last couple years, figure that doesn’t change.

4. Brewers – Have lost a lot of talent the last couple of offseasons.

5. Cubs – Still a long ways to go.

WEST

1. Giants – Hit all the right buttons the last few years, is that going to change?

2. Dodgers – Probably need to hide the chequebook from the owners, but the spending should almost have the desired effect.

3. Diamondbacks – Trading away talent for grit is a wonderful theory, until you discover that talent can’t be taught.

4. Padres – Some sneaky-good youth there, but will be well out of the playoff running for now.

5. Rockies – Expensive offence, but at least the pitching is awful.

FOOTBALL 2012

It’s football season, which is Mom’s favourite time of the year!**

* for wildcards.

AFC

EAST

Patriots – Because their management is way better than the Sawx.

Bills* – Wishcasting, certainly. But assuming the defenses are a saw-off, I like Ryan Fitzpatrick…

Jets – …more than Marktim Sancheztebow.

Dolphins – May actually pass the Jets, if things break right. Too bad they’re playing a rookie QB.

 

NORTH

Steelers – Terrified of this season for them- old on defense, O-line still awful, Ben already hurt- but still a clear favourite.

Ravens* – Again assuming defensive equality (with the Steelers), their QB is worse.

Bengals – Some hope, but let’s see them beat a good team. Could sneak into a wildcard.

Brown – Still the Browns, thankfully.

 

SOUTH

Texans – Thought about picking them last year, didn’t have the balls. Don’t need ’em this time. To pick the Texans, I mean.

Titans – Mostly by default, I think this is a step back year under a younger QB.

Jaguars – Not sure what they’re good at any more.

Colts – They’ll need to be Luck-y to get higher. Eh? Eh?

 

WEST

Broncos – Assuming Peyton Manning doesn’t snap his neck. Might be an 8-8 season again.

Chargers – Getting older, not better. The Rivers will soon run dry here (BAHAHA alright no more puns)

Chiefs – Hard to know. Were they unlucky, or actually terrible last year? Probably a little of both.

Raiders – Did some necessary culling, but still employ Carson Palmer.

NFC

 

EAST

Giants – I don’t know.

Eagles* – Really, I have no idea.

Cowboys – I’m historically bad at picking this division.

Redskins – Feel good about this spot, despite an obvious improvement at QB.

 

NORTH

Packers – Won’t be as lucky, but could win four fewer games and still be the class of the division.

Bears – Close last year until Cutler went down.

Lions – Will be right there with the Bears, just feel like they take a step back this year.

Vikings – Not as strong defensively as they used to be, and growing on the other side of the ball.

 

SOUTH

Falcons – Same ol’ Falcons: Win the division, quick playoff exit. See no reason for that to change.

Saints* – All signs point to “struggle”.

Buccaneers – Can’t be as bad as they were last year.

Panthers – Could be, but on an upward trajectory.

 

WEST

49ers – Like the Pack, won’t be nearly as lucky this year, but won’t need to be.

Seahawks – Feel like they’ll be closer to the 49ers than most think, depending on whether their offense is any good.

Cardinals – Kind of like the Jags: Not sure what they’re good at.

Rams – I remember when they were good. Been a while, huh?

** – not really.

BEISBOL 2012

Woo baseball! Who’s excited?! Probably just me. Predictions with one line per team, as per established custom.

* for wildcards!

American League

East

1. Yankees – Probably see some slippage in the offense, but that pitching staff looks excellent.

2. Rays* – Incredible pitching depth, will figure out how to tape together a lineup and bullpen AGAIN.

3. Red Sox – Best team in baseball for a stretch last year before an historic collapse, but a very curious offseason.

4. Blue Jays – Lurking, but not there yet, barring a Sawx collapse.

5. Orioles – Doomed to perpetual basement dwelling for the next several years.

Central

1. Tigers – Might slip a little, but still the class of the division.

2. White Sox – A sleeper I like, with a lot of rebound candidates in that lineup.

3. Indians – Had a hot stretch early last year, but seem to be primed for a backslide.

4. Royals – On an upward trajectory, which ain’t nothing.

5. Twins – Need Mauer and Morneau to turn back the clock to avoid the basement.

West

1. Rangers – Scary good on both sides of the ball.

2. Angels* – Should be right there with the Rangers, but the aging lineup keeps them from first place.

3. Mariners – Pineda trade a headscratcher, even with the young pitching they have.

4. Athletics – Not quite sure what the roadmap is for them right now.

National League

East

1. Braves – Had a worse collapse than the Sawx last year- difference is, their team is much younger.

2. Phillies* – Pitching amazing, lineup starting to crack, a lot of bad contracts.

3. Nationals – Still in the middle unless Strasburg decides to be an all-everything hitter too, but a team on the rise.

4. Marlins – Big FA signings seem to have worked for them in the past, but I don’t see them hitting the postseason just yet.

5. Mets – Setting up for a dreary season in Queens.

Central

1. Cardinals – Positioned well for Pujols leaving, solid all around. Interesting to see how Matheny follows TLR managing.

2. Brewers* – A Braun suspension would have probably knocked them from a wild card, I figure, with Prince already out the door.

3. Reds – Should be breaking down Milwaukee’s neck, even with Madson out for the year.

4. Pirates – A flicker of hope early last year was extinguished. Need some more youngsters around McCutchen.

5. Cubs – Theo takes the Cubs job after winning two titles with the Red Sox. Be something if he could win it here, too.

6. Astros – Worst team in baseball, easy. American League teams salivating for their upcoming move to the AL West.

West

1. Giants – Crazy good pitching has propelled them the last few years, why mess with what works?

2. Diamondbacks – Seem to be collecting Blue Jays castoffs, which makes me angry that the NL West sucks.

3. Dodgers – Great stars, no filler.

4. Rockies – Another team whose direction confuses me. Big contracts, and got older this offseason.

5. Padres – Some promising pitching, but still short on bats.

Balls and baskets (NBA) 2011/12

Haha, balls.

First one-or-two-sentences-per-team NBA preview by me ever! Yay! (SEED #) for playoffs!

EASTERN CONFERENCE

ATLANTIC

New York (3) – If Baron decides he wants to play, great, but Amare’s knees scary in a short season.
Boston(7) – Cagey old vets on their last legs. Need some help.
Philadelphia (8) – Feel like they’ll tune out taskmaster Doug Collins at some point.
New Jersey – They don’t get Howard, but a full season of Deron Williams helps.
Toronto – Will steal a few games because of the short schedule and their depth, but this isn’t a good team.

CENTRAL

Chicago(2) – Will challenge Miami for the conference throne, Rip Hamilton should fit in nicely.
Indiana(6) – Made some nice moves the last couple of years, team on the rise.
Milwaukee – Have screwed up some moves the last couple of years, arrow pointing down.
Detroit – I like the new coach, but retaining the core of a terrible team is a head-scratching move.
Cleveland – Some potential, but needs more parts, and time.

SOUTHEAST

Miami(1) – Beasts of the east. Problematic if one of the stars gets hurt, but what team can’t say that?
Atlanta(4) – Going sideways, but still good enough for a 4-5 seed, I figure.
Orlando(5) – Assuming Howard stays the whole season, have not improved.
Washington – Cleveland again, mostly.
Charlotte – Might be better than the Raptors.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

NORTHWEST

Oklahoma City(1) – Best in the league from here. Continuity, youth, depth, and hunger, all in one.
Portland(4) – Snakebit with injuries, but still pretty good.
Denver(6) – Interesting to see if they can do a full season without a lead guy and still be competitive.
Minnesota – Should be exciting, might challenge for a playoff spot if everything breaks right.
Utah – Like Minnesota, going in the right direction, but need a few more pieces.

PACIFIC

L.A. Clippers(3) – That is a TERRIFYING team with Chris Paul running the point.
L.A. Lakers(7) – This has all the indications of a down year for them.
Phoenix – Nash doesn’t have nearly enough help.
Sacramento – Some intriguing pieces, but I don’t think they fit together well.
Golden State – Rookie coach with a no defense team. Yeah, that’s gonna go well.

SOUTHWEST
Dallas(2) – The champs, but they’ll miss Chandler.
Memphis(5) – Throwback team will bruise some folks in a short season.
San Antonio(8) – Like Boston, the clock is ticking.
Houston – Could make the playoffs with some breaks, or a trade that doesn’t get overturned.
New Orleans – Okay, so getting Gordon was better than the first trade, but they’ll still be awful without Chris Paul.