Do you believe in soulmates?
I was presented that question recently in a discussion, and had to think about the answer. The consensus among most of our group was that no, we did not. That it was possible to find love in a lot of places, and that soulmates (or perhaps the idea of ‘just one’ soulmate) seemed too ‘romantic’ a notion, for lack of a better term.
I wasn’t sure I completely agreed with that, though I wasn’t able to frame my thoughts very well for that time. I did mention that the writer in me wanted to believe in it. Not just that it makes for an excellent narrative, but… it’s hard to describe.
I believe that there is someone out there for me, one woman that God’s picked out, even if it’s harder to see on my more cynical days. Is that my soulmate, the one I spot across the room and immediately fall for? Or are there many out there that I could find contentment and love with? It’s not an easy question.
I’ve been interested in a lot of girls/women. Even with someone like me who doesn’t ‘crush’ easily, there’s more on that list than I have fingers and toes. But the number that I’ve felt really connected to, that I thought could have been something lifelong, that felt like that romantic notion of a “soulmate”… that number was much smaller. Can count ’em on one hand. That notion, in my view, DOES take time, regardless of love at first sight.
Were they all soulmates? Did I get caught up in moments or feelings and believe it to be so when it wasn’t? I probably have gotten caught up, at times. In being attracted, or having someone attracted to me, or in an idealism about the other person that simply wasn’t so.
Perhaps it’s my cynicism speaking, but I don’t think it’s healthy to be too idealistic about love and romance- you’re going to disagree and be opposites in some ways, and it’s not going to be everything you imagined. In some ways, it will be wonderful and magical and everything you imagined, but you need to be critical and real about your expectations as well. I think that’s both necessary and healthy. But I think the best indicator of knowing that’s “the one”, is when you get past disagreements and disappointments and work it out, letting that love show. When that connection you have is deeper, enough that you’re less concerned about the disagreement and more about that wonderful thing that love can be.
I will finish with the immortal words of Haddaway: What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.