Just like you, I’m complicated too

They played “What If I Stumble” at church tonight- you know, the one dc Talk does. Dennis was on powerpoint duty, and I was sitting at the back with him, so I managed to be aware of this well before they got to the song.

Those of you who know me know I’m occasionally ambivalent about what Christian music is used during a service, even if I’m all for pushing the envelope stylistically. But in a service about praising and worshiping God, the songs should be… well, praise and worship. So I was skeptical as to whether this one could be pulled off well, even if our music leaders are as top notch as they come.

I was in a contemplative mood by that point, as I had been most of the evening. I think about things a lot, even when I should be paying attention, or in a conversation with someone, or listening to someone speak to me directly. I remember reading somewhere that a conversation only uses a portion of our brainpower, so it’s natural to be easily distracted, or thinking of something else at the same time.

I’m the type to overanalyze, so it doesn’t surprise me that this is still one of my favourite songs ever, and that I sat quietly, eyes closed and hands clasped in front of me, already knowing the words by heart, allowing my wandering mind and doubts to soak in a song meant to remind us that it’s ok to struggle every now and again, even as born again Christians.

*****

Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, a conflict still remains
Holiness is calling in the midst of courting fame

‘ Cause I see the trust in their eyes (though the sky is falling)
They need Your love in their lives (compromise is calling)

Chorus:
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue, when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father, please forgive me
But I cannot compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows (rate at which it grows)

If struggle has a purpose
On the narrow road you carve
Why do I dread my trespasses
Will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes? (are they so revealing?)
This time I cannot disguise (all the doubt I’m feeling)

(Chorus)

Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that you’re up against the wall, it’s about to fall
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that
Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that you’re up against the wall, it’s about to fall

Everyone’s got to crawl when you know that


I hear You whispering my name (You say)
My love for you will never change (never change)

(Chorus)


What if I stumble, what if I fall?


You never turn in the heat of it all


What if I stumble, what if I fall?


You are my comfort, and my God




Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?


*****

I think I need to qualify this: I feel tired, drained, but without a lot of legitimate reason to be. I’ve felt that way nearly this entire week, the last little while. I’ve got my molehills, issues with things or people that don’t make a lot of sense to anyone but me, but I don’t believe that ultimately they’re anything more than that, even if they may loom large in recent memory. I suppose we’ll find out tomorrow.

Additionally, I hope this entry doesn’t give anyone a rash. I hear I do that occasionally with my posts, depending on the subject matter. I think the only thing this one will bring on is a slightly maudlin mood, but we’ll see. If you made it this far, sir or madam, I COMMEND YOU.

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2 thoughts on “Just like you, I’m complicated too

  1. no_wings

    Nope, no rash! 😉
    Good entry Dave. I think it’s hard sometimes to keep struggle and issues in perspective. I’ve been really struggling with thesis lately and the truth is I have to keep reminding myself it doesn’t actually matter. Like if I keep getting up and relying on God’s grace it’ll work out. If I get kicked out all I can say is I tried my best and I guess it wasn’t God’s will, you know? I don’t know if that made any sense. . .

    Kristen

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