Operation: Love Nest

Continuing in a proud, noble tradition, we had Ryan’s bachelor party yesterday. It was an intense, all day extravaganza, filled with sights and sounds beyond human imagination. I’ve got some pics and video on Facebook, the former of which non-Facebookers can see by going here.

A year later, Mike had his chance to plot revenge. With the help of various co-conspirators, we did just that.

When we did Mike, we had him kidnapped initially, and it was suggested that we might do that here. The consensus was, however, that this would be decidely unoriginal. So to kick it off, we did a fake kidnapping instead, but with just enough to spook the groom-to-be Ryan.

He and Mike were to have lunch at Burger King- just like he and Mike did before. Instead of us (myself, Dennis, Alex, Aaron, and MikeP in this case) staying outside, we went inside, decked out in black, kidnapping-esque gear, with the hope that Ryan would see us walking in. No Nerf guns or balaclavas this time- we didn’t want to spook the staff.

Once inside, we ordered something small (except for Aaron, who had a burger), and sit down, somewhere where he could see us. Aaron called Mike on his cell phone, and talk loudly… so Ryan could hear him easily. Honestly, this was funnier in execution than it is in text form.

So we pretended to be confused (they were supposed to be at McDonalds, not Burger King) and “snuck” back outside. We would kidnap him on the way out, and he wouldn’t suspect a thing.

None of this happened, of course. We caught him just as he and Mike were driving out of the parking lot, and had a good laugh. So we went to the church for the next phase- the Bacon Olympics.

But before we did that, we had to get Ryan in his costume for the rest of the day. A shirt that had “GROOM” on it, but with the GR crossed out and a D added at the beginning and an ED at the end, respectively (spelling “DOOMED” for those of you phonetically challenged folks); a fancy blue hat, a red cape, and, of course, a ball and chain for the ankle (like being married HAHA GET IT I’m so lonely)

I was honestly skeptical as to whether we could really pull off competitive events with bacon, but I have to hand it to Aaron, it really worked. Bacon toss (distance and accuracy), bacon relay, bacon pigeon, base-bacon, and bacon limbo were all done successfully, and with hilarious results. The balls of bacon (or Balls Of Spectacular as Aaron dubbed them), packages of bacon, and real, cooked bacon for the bacon limbo (under the twine, but eat the bacon as well), worked to perfection. Though it was a little colder than most of us would have liked, the gloves worked for handling the raw bacon, and we managed not to make too much of a mess in the field. Though we may have to come back in the spring to make sure.

The next phase was just as ambitious, and split up into two teams. Ryan was blindfolded, so our ‘kidnapping’ went into effect. One team would drive him around a bit, before returning to the church to ‘interrogate’ him. Another team went to his apartment (since they now had his keys) to plant Coca-Cola in as many locations as possible. Aaron filmed video of that, while I did the ‘interrogation’, questioning whether he was really ready to leave bachelorhood. In good fun, of course, though I did get my shots in at married folks. We took enough time driving Ryan around that the other team- which had all the married guys- got back in time to hear my well aimed barbs, unfortunately.

So we ended the interrogation singing, “You don’t make friends with salad” (you’d honestly have to be there and know us to get it), and went onto a photo shoot of Ryan at various places, with a few dares here and there. I adjourned to prepare our place for hosting the rest of it, so I’m not entirely certain what went on for most of it. The Facebook photos hold some clue, since Dennis took some good shots there.

After we supped on food, MikeW did some Simpsons/Bible trivia for Ryan at our place, with fabulous prizes like pictures of Homer on the couch, and hilariously filled out applications for Wal Mart and McDonalds, two of Ryan’s favourite (read: not favourite AT ALL) places. I didn’t know Ryan had 400 hours of community service for a parole violation- the sort of thing the bride would like to know, I’m sure.

Anyway, that’s the summary of “Operation: Love Nest”, our codename for Ryan’s bachelor party. I don’t know if we can top this. This was truly the pinnacle of bachelor party planning/execution, as far as clean ones go, anyway. Thanks to my co-conspirators, Aaron, MikeW, and Dennis, who all played integral roles and did a lot of legwork to make this as fun as it was. Aaron is the king of fiendishly clever plans and ideas. So I may not inform him if/when I get married. Nothing personal, dude, just… I’m scared. You scare me.

Entry on bachelor party is now complete. Again, check out the photos for more highlights (links at the top, even for non-Facebookers!).

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