Numbers on a sheet

I wish I had the right words. I always wish I had the right words. Behind a keyboard, or behind the lens of reality, I’m always looking for the right word. Say the right thing, do the right thing. Make it the best that it should be, as good as it should be.

When I do that, it’s on me. If it doesn’t happen as it should, it’s my fault. I have to live with it. Look in the mirror, see myself, see the mistakes and missteps of the past, and avoid the pitfalls that may be ahead.

So if I stop, in conversation, or behind the barrier of technology that is so easy to hide behind, I need you to understand why. I’m looking for the right words, the right thing to say, to do. I don’t want to be wrong. I can’t be wrong.

And if I sit and stare into the screen, looking for that inspiration, looking for that perfect word, don’t hate me for it. I’m only doing what I need to do, what I’m driven to do, what I must do.

Either that, or I’ve hit the blue screen of death, and I’ve finally snapped.

…Actually, I figure I’m just a perfectionist.


3 thoughts on “Numbers on a sheet

  1. no_wings

    You and me both Dave. Perfectionism is both good and terribly bad. I can go through an entire essay examining every word, improving my diction every time. . . removing the wordiness of it all, and I’m still not satisfied. Once I write these thesis I plan on putting it in a drawer next to a bar of soap in hopes that one day it will clean itself. . . I did that with the undergrad one. . .

  2. DannyBrinker

    Being a perfectionist isnt all that bad….unless I’m tied to a train track with a locomotive speeding towards me and I need you to get me loose….then you sure as hell better not try to loosen the knots in a perfect way…

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