I wish I had the right words. I always wish I had the right words. Behind a keyboard, or behind the lens of reality, I’m always looking for the right word. Say the right thing, do the right thing. Make it the best that it should be, as good as it should be.
When I do that, it’s on me. If it doesn’t happen as it should, it’s my fault. I have to live with it. Look in the mirror, see myself, see the mistakes and missteps of the past, and avoid the pitfalls that may be ahead.
So if I stop, in conversation, or behind the barrier of technology that is so easy to hide behind, I need you to understand why. I’m looking for the right words, the right thing to say, to do. I don’t want to be wrong. I can’t be wrong.
And if I sit and stare into the screen, looking for that inspiration, looking for that perfect word, don’t hate me for it. I’m only doing what I need to do, what I’m driven to do, what I must do.
Either that, or I’ve hit the blue screen of death, and I’ve finally snapped.
…Actually, I figure I’m just a perfectionist.