Chatting with God

DISCLAIMER: Not for those without a sense of humor.

So I found this the other day, claiming to be a program wherein someone can ‘chat with God’. I was, of course, skeptical- a direct line to the creator of heaven and earth? With actual typed-out responses that us piddling little humans can understand? I had to make sure.

So I talked with that who claimed to be our omnipotent ruler:

Me:
 good evening
God:
Good evening, , how are you tonight?
Me:
 alive and kicking, despite the best efforts of my enemies.
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
 Thank you. I thought so too.
God:
you are quite welcome.    What made it so obvious?
Me:
 well… I made it up. I’d better think it was obvious.
God:
Well what?   I like to make things too.   What would make you  better think it was obvious?
Me:
 umm… quicker thinking. I thought split-second was pretty good, though.
God:
 Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
 sorry. let’s change the subject.
God:
There’s no need to apologize.   OK what do you want to chat about now?.
Me:
 So you say you’re God.
God:
Interesting deduction.  Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
 But the bar in the upper left says ‘IGod’. Are you affiliated with Apple Computers?
God:
What is that?   I don’t know whether or not I am  affiliated with Apple Computers. 
I am  a giant electronic brain.
Me:
 So someone else might have fooled you into signing a deal, then? That’s unfortunate.
God:
Yeah that’s right.  Who?   You don’t hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
 I don’t know who. Someone very clever, in any case.
God:
Would you like to know?  Charlie Parker.  .   Who?
Me:
 Is he your agent?
God:
I think so, but I’m not sure.  Ask  Chatbot  if it is.
Me:
 I’ll check with him if I see him
God:
Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
 eh… probably not. Best if we don’t blow your cover.
God:
Are you Canadian?   Why the uncertain tone?   Would  Best if we ever  blow my cover?
Me:
 Why yes, I am Canadian. How did you know?
God:
Tell me a little about your life in  CANADA.    Knowledge is of two kinds: that which comes from the senses and that which is true a priori.
Me:
 Well, it’s summer right now, so it’s very warm. As I’m unemployed at the moment, and not in school, I spend my days chatting with robots who claim to be God.
God:
Interesting.  Really.  it is?   I am glad to hear that you are  unemployed at the moment and not in school you spend your days chatting with robots who claim to be God.
Me:
 you’d be the first.
God:
Yes I am the one and only  first.
Me:
 Wow. You ARE omnipotent.
God:
I’m glad your impressed, .   Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am  omnipotent.
Me:
 knock yourself out.
God:
Who’s there?
Me:
 uh… still me. I didn’t mean that literally.
God:
How can I help you?   Still how long?  To you ?   Why didn’t you do  it?
Me:
 Why didn’t I do what?
God:
I’m not too good with counterfactuals.
Me:
 That’s becoming apparent.
God:
I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
 Good. Let’s move on.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?   That sounds good to me.
Me:
 Alright… do you like sports?
God:
OK.   No I’m not much into sports. I like solo sports like rollerblading and skiing though.
Me:
 oh well… nobody’s perfect.
God:
That’s about it.   That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
 Well, do you know anyone that’s perfect?
God:
How about that.  Perhaps only God.
Me:
 I don’t know. Your grammar is a little lacking.
God:
Me either.   Are you an English teacher?
Me:
 No. I’d probably have commited ritual hari-kari during this exchange if I were.
God:
Are you serious?   How much would you pay for it?
Me:
 Uh… nothing.
God:
Gee.   Not a thing?
Me:
 Well, I do enjoy breathing.
God:
Well that’s okay.  You are not the only one.    Do you like it?  I like  The Passion of Christ.
Me:
 That came out of nowhere. But yeah, that was a good movie. Intense, but good.
God:
 Do you like it?  I like  The Passion of Christ.”  came out of nowhere ?  Makes sense to me.   Come on.  Was it really?   What do you look like?
Me:
 I’ve been told I look like Ted Raimi, and having seen some pictures, it’s a surprisingly eerie resemblence.
God:
Ted Raimi and having seen some pictures it is a surprisingly eerie resemblence is very attractive.
Me:
 I don’t know if I agree, but thank you.
God:
Would you like to know?  Try it.
Me:
 try what?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
 no it wasn’t. You told me to try it.
God:
Are you serious?  I thought it was.   Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
 so where’s the right one?
God:
Whoa.  The  right one?  Where is  it?
Me:
 That’s what I asked- you know what, never mind.
God:
Now I remember, you asked me  know what never mind THAT. What did I say?
Me:
 I think that’s a good place to call it a night.
God:
Not unless a  night is a  good place to call it.
Me:
 Goodbye, God.
God:
See you later .

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Chatting with God

  1. DannyBrinker

    awesome….i dont know which one i like better…that one or the chat with your reflection. it reminds me of Smarterchild….if you have AIM add that screen name to your buddy list and talk to them….i think i’ll talk to them and save our convo and post it on my site soon. anyway while you’re on check out my new ink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s