EDIT: Several times for nitpicking and image size, several more for boneheaded stupidity. I think we’re on about 20 now.
Ladies and gentlemen (and Alex, whose continued deleting of posts confounds me. He doesn’t clean up his desktop to look at Strongbad, so I don’t think deleting posts makes that much of a difference), I come to you today to discuss a matter of the highest importance.
I am, of course, talking about breakfast cereal. There may be pictures… but no promises.
You think of breakfast, you think of bacon and eggs, pancakes, waffles, that sort of thing. But let’s establish a few things right off the bat:
1) I’m quite lazy.
2) I have all the cooking skills of a tennis racket. I’ve messed up the directions to Kraft Dinner and Minute Rice.
3) If I’m working/churching/erranding, I don’t tend to get up early enough in the morning for anything as ambitious as bacon and eggs or pancakes. That, or I lack the cognitive dissonance or fortitude for such projects early in the morning.
4) History. So let’s get into that.
My dad used to work for Kelloggs. Being the bastion of morning-product goodness that Kelloggs is, I grew up exposed to all wonders of Kelloggs brand products.
But we can get into the merits of Eggo Pancakes (and, let’s be honest, there’s not many) another time. Today, cereal!
It’s quick. It’s simple enough that I can’t screw it up. And it is at least a passable source of nutrition. So, cereal has been, and will continue to be, a reasonable breakfast alternative. Safe to say, since the dawn of time, man has strove to perfect this form of nutrition.
First, let’s bust out some classics:
Aaah, the memories. Actually, I don’t remember eating these. I just thought the picture was cool.
Dad’ll be proud that I remembered these short-lived competitors to Cheerios. These didn’t go soft in milk like the aforementioned General Mills brand-name. Of course, they didn’t taste quite as good either.
I had two bowls of this, if memory serves. Even for a sugar cereal, and the sure-fire endorsement of a Disney character, this was a little too sugary.
Sold in Canada under “Rice Krispie Squares”, but I couldn’t find an image. One of the better bits of innovation, beyond actually packing and preserving the squares in portable form. I can’t find the cereal anywhere anymore, though.
Two of Dennis’ favourites, and I’ll go to these on a whim. Mom would try and steer us away from the sugary cereals, but with limited success. Follow your nose!
So here’s Dave’s Kellogg’s cereal finalists:
“Corn Flakes with sugar”, Mom once described these as. As I tended to put copious amounts of sugar in my Corn Flakes, I’m just skipping the middleman here. This is the standard.
One of the few “healthy” cereals I’d grown to like. And it was inexplicable. I still don’t like the taste of milk-soaked bran, once I’m done the raisins, and have gotten to the bottom of the bowl. But I persisted with this modestly healthy choice through some of my youth, and into my less-youth.
A more recent addition to the library, here. And a modestly expensive one, at that. Good, but tiresome after repeated eatings (like anything, I guess)
But I continued to strive to find the perfect cereal. Frosted Flakes had taste. Raisin Bran was healthy. Vector had a little of both, but not enough to put it, “over the top”, so to speak. And it was expensive. But they could do better. I knew they could.
A couple of years ago, I found it. Behold, ladies and gentlemen, the pinnacle of cereal evolution:
I gazed in wonder, the first time I laid eyes upon it. What genius of man was required to concieve such a thing? And where could I meet him, so I could express my deepest reserves of joy and appreciation for his incredible gift to humanity?
My mother and I did, in fact, discuss this cereal at one point soon after my introduction to it, where I opined upon it’s glory (which is also discussed at length, and beautifully, here). She mentioned that if there was one thing they could improve about the prior model of Raisin Bran, it was… well… the bran. And they did it in spades here. They sweetened the bran with a little honey and cinnamon, kind of like Frosted Flakes, and added granola clusters, which is an essential element of Vector. Enough taste to be appealing, but not overly so. Outstanding.
Whereupon we discover the complicated mathematical formula that led to this masterstroke:
+ + =
It should also be noted that, for the purpose of this post, I’m ignoring Kellogg’s recent name change of the “Raisin Bran Crunch” to “Two Scoops: Raisin”. So if you do find yourself wanting to ascend to the very height of breakfast goodness, then “Two Scoops: Raisin” would be what you’re looking for. I haven’t tried any of the spinoffs yet, and I’ve no desire to.