BREAKING news, as only I can present it.
S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A. GRANTS CLEMENCY TO A.L.EX
Bitter debate, narrow vote grant rogue group right to use their own name
Tensions ran high at the Sneezy Wafflesprinkles Memorial
Centre last night as S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A. (Society Of People Who Really,
Really, Like Acronyms) convened an emergency session of it’s
Embarassingly, a quorum wasn’t met until they were promised fun and
games, and fabulous prizes. None of it materialized, of course, but the
membership is very gullible, and prone to those sorts of leadings.
The tabled issue: The A.L.EX (Amalgamated League of EXperts) and it’s flagrant violation of S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A.’s code in the construction of it’s name.
“The ‘X’ doesn’t stand for anything,”
long-standing member Brian ‘Flapjack’ McAllister argued, pointing his
cane accusingly at the podium. “It’s like T.O.O.T.H. all over again.
Except those guys just added a letter to make it work.” ‘Flapjack’ then
shook his head in disdain. “Kids these days. Think they’re so clever,
making actual words with their names. Not in our day, I tell ya. We
played by the rules, no matter how impossible it was to pronounce. Who
“Dude,” responded relative newcomer Dan
‘L33Tman’ Adamson, the youngest member. “Like, what starts with
an X? Uh… I can’t think of anything.” He then laughed. “Dude, you
should have been there yesterday-“
He was then cut off by a Nerf dart shot from the podium, which is
S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A.’s customary way of cutting off a speaker (or,”just
making someone stupid shut up,” the president admitted later).
The back and forth continued, with some shouting, accusations- it
inevitably built up to a dart gun war. When the foam finished flying,
and the debate had been exhausted, S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A.’s board of
executives (which has only one member, in accordance with S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A.’s charter) convened to make a decision. A half-hour later, the board emerged to a gaggle of assembled media.
“The Board has decided to grant A.L.EX. clemency- they will be allowed to use their name, and can apply for S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A. status at any time,”
board chairman and president Dave Church declared. “Much as I hate the
L33Tman- I mean, he’s an idiot, and it shows- he’s got a point. How
many words start with X, and might actually make sense in a day-to-day
context?” He then looked at the assembled media- the questioner
becoming the questioned. “Anyone?”
When no one answered, Church continued. “And it’s clever. I see what’s
he’s done there. A, L. E, X- it’s like the name, Alex. It’s really
clever. And smart. Clearly, he’s a smart guy.”
When pointed out that A.L.EX.’s name also, in fact, matched the name of
the founder, Church smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. Turns out he’s my
roommate. How ’bout that?”
Church then pushed through the mass, as reporters hurriedly began to pen their “Scandal in S.O.P.W.R.R.L.A.” articles.